In Da Near Future

In da future, Google will be embedded in all your appliance devices much like Intel is embedded in most PCs. Instead of “Intel Inside” marketing campaign Google will brand this feature as “Google Everywhere.” Imagine yourself watching television with a Google Everywhere device, Google would know what television program you where watching, and in turn Google would know all the keywords, phrases, actors, trivia about the programs you watch. So if you query a term after watching a show, it would know additional context by known what you had been watching, listening, reading the last few days prior your search queries.

In da future, most of your Facebook friends will be Turing complete AI sponsored by national and international brands. Forget your good ol’ peer-pressure, these systems will barrage you with laser guided physiologically-based peer-pressure. You will prompted to buy products even before you know you need them.

In da future, in addition to having named all ballparks and arenas, companies will start naming state parks, monuments, and even interstate roads after their corporate trademarks and products. For example, Yosemite National Park will be known as the HP National Park. Golden Gate Bridge will be renamed to Bank of America Bridge. Highway 101 will be renamed as IBM Highway.

In da future, you will get college credit for playing and passing video games. You will get a certificate and degree if you pass resource management related games like Starcraft or Hell’s Kitchen. Your employer will conduct employee evaluations by having employees play games like Brain Age, if you are said to have a brain age ten years older than your actual age you will be fired. Video game simulations are not just for jet fighter pilots, but virtual game simulations will be a standard hiring and training tool in most companies.

In da future, since time is money and money is time, and we all are going to be broke and have neither time nor money, people will try to monetize and monopolize other resources and unalienable rights such as sunshine, privacy, quietness, tranquility, freedom, love, beauty, clean air, clean water. The UN proclaim ownership of all natural resources and enforce cap and trade restrictions.

In da future, happy meals will come with tablet PCs as the toy. Network computer and tablet PCs will be priced in the sub-$100 range. Just like free phones, these computers will be given away with the purchase of a wireless plan or happy meal.

In da future, books will be written not to be read by people but for Google juice. The content that lives in the long tail, the works of literature that few people, mostly researcher, ever read will be read and copied more for Google adsense than for archiving the written word for posterity.

In da future, higher education will include the following legalese…  For entertainment purpose only. College tuition will increase to new records. The University of California, will rename itself to the University of China as the UC system makes room for more out of state foreign students because they can make more money charging out of state fees. It will not be uncommon for students to have $500,000 in college loan debt with $45,000/year job yet you will need a high school diploma, a BS, and MBA, and a PHD to get hired for a job.

In da future, your car will have a black box and you will be taxed for the miles you drive on the roads you drive and if you drive at peak times. People will also be required to wear an embedded black box to measure your breaths and tax you for the carbon dioxide you exhale. So it will be more economical to stay home, watching television with Google Everywhere enabled programming.

In da future, you will be taxed 40% (in income taxes, sales taxes, tariffs, fees, surcharges) and you will pay 40% in health care (insurance, co-pay, deductible, drugs) and you will have 10% to live on, which means you will be driving your same old 1992 Camry. In a way, the future looks like a capitalist version of Cuba.

In the future, most laws will be drafted, amended, voted, and enacted in behind closed doors, in private as state secrets. The laws will be copyrighted and kept as state secret, charges will be brought to a person in secret without making available evidence or witnesses to the defense of said person. Private companies will police and monitor networks, airwaves, public areas for any offense to fine citizens. In addition to enforcing laws, private companies will be able to draft laws for the advantage of their profit margin.

In da future, communism will beat out capitalism at its own game when China buys every major landmark in the world, including the Rockefeller Center, Paramount Pictures, GM, etc. We have a huge trade deficit with China and it keeps growing each year. China has to let us borrow money for use to be able to buy Chinese made products.

In the future, the TSA will force passengers to fly barefoot and with nothing more than a medical examination robe. Because of the shoe bomber, crotch bomber, and hat bomber the TSA will enforce tough dress code for passengers.

In da future, the IRS will tax piggy banks.

In da future, cell phone plans will be ad supported where you will receive daily text message with codes for discounts at the places that you frequent. These phones will automatically gather the geolocations of every place you visit and from this data, contact lists, and data in the phone will generate targeted ads.

Leave a Reply, Join the Conversation