Hippies are to Blame for the Economic Collapse of 2008

The Summer of Love was in 1967. Hundreds of thousands of hippies migrated to large metropolitan area like San Francisco and New York. In 1969, an estimated 400,000 free loving hippies gathered at Woodstock for 3 days of peace and music and sex and drugs and rock and roll. From 1967 to 1987, the year that the movie Wall Street is release, is 20 years, and most of the hippies from 1967 cut their hair and got jobs in that time. In those 20 years, the counter revolution of free love had grown up and gotten corporate jobs, those 18 year old hippies where now 38 year old middle managers in corporate raiding america of the 1987. Add another 20 years and this takes us to 2007, when about the hippie generation about to retire. In 2007, the hippies had grown to fill up most of boardrooms in corporate america. It was under the leadership of the hippie generation that dot com bubble burst in 2002, it was under their direction that jobs got outsource and offshore, they found new economic models like pooling poor performing home loans into highly rated collateral debt obligations, they found new tax strategies like double Irish and dutch sandwiches. The hippie ethos of free love turned out to be about free love of money, and this lead to the economic recession of 2008.

Queen’s Speech 2003

Her majesty, emphasis on jest, gave her Queen Elizaborg gave her Queen’s Speech and basically said nothing amongst all the proper posh, pomp, and pageantry. Here is basically what she said…

My lords and members of the house of commons, my government will collectively live in a royal fantasy land with unicorns and fairies. My government is committed to build an economy where people that work hard are properly rewarded, unlike the we the British royals that don’t work at all and reward ourselves. My government will create jobs, jobs, jobs out of lead. My government will bring forward legislation to have the common people to keep calm and carry on. My government will tax without representation. My government will continue to meddle in the Middle East and African continent. My government will ensure the good governance and development of the overseas legacy of colonization, including by protecting the Falkland islanders rights to self delusion. My lords and members of the house of commons, I pay that the blessing of the All Mighty God may rest upon your consuls

Best Goldman Sachs Elevator Gossip

The best twitter account right now must have to be @GSElevator, which tweets comments overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevators. The account has yet to be verified by the folks of Twitter but it sounds legit. I’m sure the folks at Goldman Sachs are thankful this twitter account doesn’t post things heard in Goldman Sachs bathrooms. Here are some of my recent favorite tweets from @GSElevator.

  • #1: We’re all God’s children. Some of us just deserve a higher allowance.
  • #1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.
  • Skirt #1: Whenever I get stressed, I go shoe shopping.  [exits]. Suit #1 (to Suit #2): Obviously not for running shoes. 
  • #1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
  • #1: The Obama administration has single-handedly revived the layaway industry.
  • #1: Rules are for the obedience of fools, and the guidance of people like us.
  • [classic] #1: Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice.
  • #1: Europe is starting to make African leaders look competent.
  • #1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
  • #1: Hey fat fuck, I already know what your resolution is.
  • #1: Whenever I see a black guy with my last name, I can’t help but wonder if my family used to own his.
  • #1: She’s only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot. #2: Maybe 4.
  • 1: Look thru her passport. You can usually tell if the relationship is worth pursuing. (Laughs) 3 stamps, and they all say ‘Cancun.’
  • #1: Obama is aging fast enough for Morgan Freeman to play him in a movie.
  • #1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.
  • #1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement. #2: Fuck. That wouldn’t cover a ski weekend.
  • #1: Either Facebook sucks, or my friends suck.
  • #1: I started winning the day I was conceived.
  • #1: Ronald Reagan always spent Christmas in DC so more Secret Servicemen could spend it with their families. #aloha
  • #1: I love watching Asian guys smell and swirl their wine obnoxiously. And then their faces get all blotchy. Pussies.
  • #1: I’m rich, but not give-up-my-US-passport rich… Yet.
  • #1: I help with the recruiting effort, or as I call it, the Office Beautification Project.
  • [classic] #1: I wish I invested in poverty. It’s up 60% since 2001. #2: We did.
  • #1: She wants the person I am 10% of the time, 100% of the time. #2: That’s you not being you. #EndIt
  • #1: Sending flowers to her office is like a big neon sign to her coworkers saying, “The asshole screwed up again.”
  • #1: If you want a friend, get a dog. If you want a friend with benefits, find some chick who’s in PR.
  • #1: In New York, don’t trust a banker with a pocket square. In London, it’s a pinky ring… And in Asia, don’t fucking trust anyone.
  • MD#1: Every horrible wife starts out as an adorable girlfriend.
  • [classic] #1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.
  • #1: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
  • #1: If I were single and always sober, I wouldn’t need to password lock my iPhone.
  • #1: Can we please stop calling them ‘hipsters’ and go back to calling them ‘pussies?’
  • [classic] #1: The Euro is dead. They’re just bickering over who pays for the funeral.
  • #1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.
  • Suit#1 (on cell phone): “Yes… Yes… I know… Yes… Ok, you too… Bye.” [hang ups]. “Jesus Christ, I hope my next wife doesn’t do this.”
  • #1: China is the only country that gets to have towns in just about every city in the world.