Unlike President Obama, I don’t have a kill list. In fact, unlike most Americans I don’t believe in capital punishment but there is a long list of agent provocateurs, cultural instigators, paid propagandists, bourgeoisie douchbags, and social media marketers that I would not shed a tear if they happen to die of natural causes or freak accidents or sharknado attack.

• Thomas Friedman, Flathead
• Mindy Kaling, Project Reject
• Seth Rogan, Canadian
• Ai Weiwei, Fake Artist
• Mr Brainwash, Mr Frenchie
• Banksy, British Bankster
• Shepard Fairey, Obey Propagandist
• Ryan Secrest, Idol Worshipper
• Perez Hilton, Gossip Blogger
• Joe Rogan, Fear Factor Facist
• Chris Hardwick, Fake Nerdist
• Any of the House wives of E
• Andy Cohen, Bravo Bravado
• Brian Wong, Kiip Hipster
• Jimmy Fallon, Late Night Taxi
• Ellen DeGenerous, White Oprah
• Deepak Chopra, Hindu Hogwash
• Jeff Koons, Pop Propagandist
• Marc Andreessen, Cloud Capitalists
• Yoko Ono, Black Widow
• Leo Laporte, Tech Perv
• Marc Maron, Moron
• Nancy Grace, Disgrace
• Dr Oz, Dr Kickbacks
• Dr Drew, Dr Pharma
• Vine Celebrities
• Instagram Celebritites