Favorite Tweets July 2010

There are some funny people on Twitter. Whenever I find a funny, witty, or thought provoking I usually retweet it and favorite it. Here is a small collection of recent tweets that stoop out to me.

  • @5tevenw: My father always told me, “Be bold! Don’t be italic.”
  • @momosuxx: Does my username make me look fat?
  • @jdickerson: Out back I hear crickets, birds, plane, car, hammering, sprinkler all at once. Distracting me from Twitter distracting me from the paper
  • @ButtercupD: “multi-device-ing” again…PC on lap, iPad to the left and iPhone to the right…and I like it like that!
  • @DamnItsTrue: Facebook is for friends that are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers that should be your friends.
  • @keithie: Tufte lecture: Only two industries describe their customers as “users”, computer software and drugs dealers
  • @centernetworks: iPhone marriage -Two iPhones got married. It was a lovely ceremony, but the reception was awful. Apparently they held it in the wrong place.
  • @alexia: OH: In my next life I want to be reincarnated as a computer.
  • @gurl: Never trust a man in flip flops.
  • @rands: Avoid those who use language to mystify the obvious.
  • @DaRealAmberRose: Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
  • @NatashaYi: Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button you will be disconnected!
  • @batfish: Bacon is the duct tape of the culinary world.
  • @adamjackson: “News” is just a distraction to what’s really going on in our world.
  • @laughlitmus: I need a software that controls US defense systems to remove human error from strategic decisions *must not become self-aware*
  • @SchemaCzar: The beginning of time ain’t what it used to be…
  • @DocHobbes: Outraged that the President does not have a plan in place in the event of a zombie out break / apocalypse.
  • @ladyfox14: OH: ‘It smells like SPF 50 and hash’ ‘The best two smells of summer’
  • @verowhite: I hate packing almost as much as I love traveling.
  • @spangley: OH: “rural oregon is like the west virginia of the west coast.”
  • @Susan_ld4e: If is the longest word
  • @errolmorris: Maybe 95% of all “art” is painting by numbers.
  • @Miss_Officer: Life is the best school. God is the best teacher. Problem is the best assignment. Failure is the best revision.
  • @Jason: Business plans are entrepreneurial masturbation. Please don’t send me business plans or ideas.
  • @mzkay2good: da way i am is cuz of my parents, n their both great but only when their in seperate rooms lol
  • @jlashae: Flaws r beautiful :-)
  • @iBangLSE: My mistakes have made me strong .
  • @Gbaybeeh: There’s a piece of me who leaves when you gone
  • @zpower: as a consumer, what sort of wacky decision tree would cause you to conclude that a $300 sony daily edition is a sound purchase?

Favorite Tweets April 2010

There are some funny people on Twitter. Whenever I find a funny, witty, or thought provoking I usually retweet it and favorite it. Here is a small collection of recent tweets that stoop out to me.

  • @nickbilton: Off record chat w/ Facebook employee. Me: How does Zuck feel about privacy? Response: [laughter] He doesn’t believe in it.
  • @stephenkruiser: Pants are important. Sometimes.
  • @crazeegeekchick: So grateful for salary and for direct deposit. AT least one thing is consistent in my life :)
  • @puredanger: wife: "why are these blankets always on the floor!?" me: "gravity?"
  • @godolcevita: You have to be where you are at to get where you are going….
  • @cdixon: It’s getting to the point that when a big company calls something "open" == they are about to screw you. Need a new word for actually open.
  • @ericaogrady: What to know if he’s a Man or a Boy? Make eye contact with him and hold his gaze. If he looks away, he’s still a boy.
  • @Archimage: I would rather throw down than throw up.
  • @nandoism: it smells awesome in Brooklyn. like fresh rain mixed with urine. aaah.
  • @michaelg: Overheard: "Zuck sounds like Lex Luthor" #f8
  • @Archimage: This tweet is (c) 2010 Archimage. All rights reserved. Any retweeting is a violation of applicable laws.
  • @KaciBrownMonroe: Don’t look at me; look into me. To the deepest, most real, places in my heart and soul.
  • @stevenharman: Apple, if you’re going to limit how many computers I can play my content on, please allow me to de-authorize one I no longer have access to.
  • @wilshipley: Why do DJs wear earphones? Isn’t the music loud enough? I can hear it fine from down here.
  • @girlonetrack: I’ve spent the last four hours immersed in non-stop politics: eight times as long I as give foreplay. Which I guess shows my priorities…
  • @joeracer: FUCK YOU IRS. Seriously.
  • @tedneward: Oracle’s sponsoring IronMan 2?!? What next, Microsoft Star Trek 2? "Mr Spock, where do you want to go today?"
  • @thekarladam: 290.2 MB of space for Adobe Reader!? WTF is wrong over at Adobe!?
  • @bkorte: Dear Facebook: Stop using my default notification sound for your push alerts on my iPhone – be original and come up with your own sound.
  • @hotforwords: The Average Woman Dates 24 Men Before Settling Down.
  • @dotjenna: Is it possible to hate someone you love? #love #hate
  • @shanselman: I need an online alias for some programming projects. I wonder if Slim Shady or Sasha Fierce are taken…
  • @MsLizziA: I mean Kick Ass SUCKED ASS!
  • @techknow: Is there such a thing as tofu salmon?
  • @markramsey: how the hell can ticketmaster charge a $10 convenience charge on $25 tickets, I’m buying them online, making it convenient for them!
  • @ebarrera: It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘As pretty as an Airport’ appear.
  • @thediva: Some times women’s clothing annoy me. I wear 3 different sizes depending on the brand. It’s so insane of retailers to play head games
  • @adactio: This is my browser; there are many like it but this one is mine.
  • @ehthayer: My body clock needs an hour change button too
  • @RobotDeathSquad: I think there is a direct relationship between the number of tattoos and bad waitressing.
  • @gkmaestro: Software involves sending more emails that writing code!!!
  • @meph: Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct(31) = Dec(25). #geekfun
  • @godolcevita: I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
  • @timacummins: Worry is a brain drain.
  • @NicoleJordan: Instead of asking what is the return on investment, we should be asking what’s the return on objectives? #digiday
  • @swedal: Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Favorite Tweets January 2010

There are some funny people on Twitter. Whenever I find a funny, witty, or thought provoking I usually retweet it and favorite it. Here is a small collection of recent tweets that stoop out to me.

  • @Twiggy185: people often say that motivation doesn’t last. well neither does bathing that’s y we recommend it daily
  • @wafflesgirls: the sun is god’s ninja star
  • @brooksbayne: little people have their own gnomenclature
  • @jeffcannata: I wish I had a way to find out which song has been stuck in my head most times in my lIfe.
  • @peterc: OH: Can vegans eat animal crackers?
  • @jeffreytmoore: too many things tied together – #LinkedIn, #Twitter, #Facebook #FourSquare – social media overload!!!!!
  • @davenavarro6767: Wearing only black means never having to separate your laundry.
  • @gabbycat: Dear laundry, just go do yourself!
  • @lecitykitty: I write emotional algebra.
  • @zeldman: The ends justify the memes.