I don’t know about you but no fortune cookie ever brought me any fortune, not even a coupon. I think that instead of posing as fake pseudo eastern philosophical predictions, fortune cookies should be a little more honest. Here are some more honest unfortunate cookies.

• You peaked in preschool.
• You suck and everybody knows it.
• Your wife doesn’t love you and the kids aren’t yours.
• Your wife ran out on you and soon you’re unemployment will too.
• You will make embarrass yourself at the company Christmas party.
• People don’t laugh with you.