Faux Nerds and Nerdxplotation

Recently at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, people were asked to tweet with the hashtag #nerdprom. Of course, #nerdprom was the wrong hashtag for the event. A more appropriate hashtag would have been #doucheprom. But the White House complicit correspondents are not the only ones attempting to appropriate the word nerd. Just about anyone that says they like video games or idiotically repeats internet memes like “May the Fourth be with you” think of themselves as true nerds. Since when did being a nerd become cool? But being a nerd is just like being cool, if you say you are a nerd you most like aren’t a nerd. Case in point, the Nerdist podcast. There is nothing nerd about the Nerdist podcast, instead of talking nerd the folks behind the Nerdist podcast mostly interview E-level Hollywood celebrities from the E! studios. Instead of being a true die hard dual-core nerd, Chris Hardwick is a Ryan Seacrest imitator and wannabe. Going to Comic-con to exploit nerds does not make one a nerd.

Laundry Cycle

The more clothes you have, the more clothes pileup. ┬áThe more clothes you have pileup, the less you want to do laundry. ┬áThis is a never ending cycle. The less laundry you do, the less clean clothes you have and the larger the pile of dirty clothes. The larger the pile of dirty clothes, the less you want to do the laundry. Eventually you find yourself with no clean clothes and instead of working through the dirty pile and washing your clothes, you buy more clothes. The more clothes you buy, the more clothes you have to pile up in the laundry room, the less you want to do the laundry, the more you buy more clothes. It’s endless cycle that feeds upon itself, a snow ball effect of dirty clothes.

Male Pattern Stress

According to Wikipedia, the average life expectancy for American men is 75 compared to 80 for women. On average, men die up to five years earlier than women and I would say that the reason for that difference is women. It’s very stressful to be a man in our society, to be the bread winner, the head of household, the provider and decider. In addition to providing financially for the family, men have to provide security, and moral support which includes going shopping with the wife and answering dangerous and difficult questions like “does this make me look fat?” What is often missed as the cause of the early demise of men is that women do put a lot of extra pressure on men.

Men are constantly juggling between pressure and stress at work and at home. If the family car develops an issues, the men have to take care of it. If the house springs a leak, the men have to address it. If the neighbor is too loud, the men have to resolve it with the neighbor. If the kids are having problems at school, the men have to handle it. If there are problems at work, the men have to deal with it.

If your partner is stress, she will let you know about it. If she is concerned, you are the first to hear about. If she doesn’t like something, you better not like it either. If she she reads all of TMZ to you, you better pay attention because there will be a quiz later. If she wants something done to the house, you better go to Home Depot. If she wants to keep up with the Joneses, you better refinance it.

All of this stress, burden, pressure, tension builds up in a man and it eventually crushes him physically. When I see a large or fat man out with his beautiful wife and family at a chain restaurant ordering a large medium rare piece of stake, I feel sorry for the guy and think to myself, “that guy is trying to kill himself… slowly, one meal at a time.”

The Happiness Paradox

As the human species, we have it the best than we ever had it. No matter where you are in the world, compare your self now to your ancestors just 100 years back. Most people today enjoy a fair amount of leisure time, we can travel quickly and easily, we have plenty of food, we have better shelter, we can rely on decent health care and modern medicine, and yet I would say that we are, collectively, less happy than our great-great-grandparents 100 years ago. You would think that we, as a people, should be happier than ever, but we aren’t. More than ever, people today are either subscribed or self-medicated with anti-depressants, uppers or downers, sleeping pills, pain medication, psychoactive and recreational drugs just to deal with everyday life. Why are we so unhappy and will our collective depression get worse?

$1 Billion in Taxes

It’s been reported that Facebook founder owes the IRS a cool $1 billion. Which goes to show you that if Dr. Evil wanted the everyone to pay him $1 billion dollars he should have gotten a job with the government and simply tax the people.

So what can Dr. Evil, I mean the government, do with $1 billion nowadays? The Afghan war is costing the American tax payers $300 million a day, so Mark Zuckerberg can foot the fill for a little over three days himself.

To deploy a single soldier in Afghanistan, it is reported as costing somewhere between $850,000 to $1,200,000 a year. Mark Zuckerberg’s tax bill can support about 1,000 soldiers in the field for a whole year.

Sugar Free

What “sugar free” really means… there is no real sugar, from real sugar canes, but there are other artificially bio-engineered sweeteners which have been developed under a lab environment and patented by large corporations that have no conclusive long term scientific data this such artificial sweeteners will not pose a long term and negative health risk on individuals that consume sugar free sweeteners.

Sugar free sugar ain't real sugar

Sugar free sugar ain’t real sugar

The American Working Stiff

The new American dream is to get by. Americans work to have a job to be able to afford having a job. Keeping a job costs money. Just to hold on to a job you need a car, gas, clothes, food, and other essentials. People can’t afford getting sick, a visit to the emergency for something as simple as a sprain ankle will cost over 2 thousand dollars. At the end of the day, at the end of the shift, and at the end of the pay check very little is left over after living expenses, credit cards, student loans, taxes, fees, surcharges, and everything else is paid off. The American dream has been deferred, the new American dream is to survive and get by.

Sasquatch Prime Directive

Have you ever wonder why we still have not captured a big foot. We have found water in Mars but we’ve yet to find any real proof other than what some gone squatchin’ cable televisions shows report as big foot droppings. Besides grainy film footage, no one has conclusive evidence that a species of big foot, sasquatch, yeti, or large hominid exists. Even without conclusive evidence there is enough sightings and other supporting evidence that Jane Goodall has said that she believes that they exists. During an NPR interview, Jane Goodall said, “you’ll be amazed when I tell you that I’m sure that they exist.” The sasquatch is an elusive animal… but why is it so elusive? Could it be that it is actually a higher order intelligent being, possibly from outer space, and that it is here to observe the human race? Would it be so far fetch, I mean we are talking about big foot anyways, to believe that sasquatch sightings are actually sightings of extra terrestrials that have come to observe us. Maybe the sasquatch aliens are observing us while obeying some sort of Sasquatch Prime Directive so that they don’t interferer with the development of our species on our planet. This could be the reason why no one has found any remains of a big foot or other yet undiscovered large hominid even though we’ve found remains of 3.2 million year old ancestors. Which reminds me, what do you get someone that is 3.2 years old?

Regulated Republic

We like to think that we live in a democracy and that we have freedoms and liberties that few other nations enjoy. This idea is American propaganda and mythology in the making. The United States of America is not a federal constitutional republic, its a federal regulated republic. The United States is full of regulatory agencies such as the FDA, EPA, SEC, and FAA amongst others. There are government buildings full of agencies and government regulators that want to regulate our fundamental freedoms. I’m all for regulating large industries and known polluters. No one wants to board a plane that has missed scheduled maintenance, or consume food full of chemicals and other known toxins, and of course no one wants their kids to play with toys laden with lead. That said, regulatory agencies have begun to encroach on a persons freedom to eat whatever they want. New York has moved to ban large sugary soft drinks and transfat from area restaurants. California has moved to make the sale and consumption of Foie Gras. The is the level of idiocracy in California, to make food illegal while at the same time making control substances like marijuana legal. This is the beginning of our shared regulated future.

The Puppyfication of America

I recently adopted a new puppy, a toy poodle which I have named Rufus. Rufus is the most adorable puppy, playful, warmhearted, and already my best friend. Even though I am in love with my puppy I’ve realized that he is really derpy and possibly not the smartest puppy in the pound. Looking at my toy poodle it is hard to imagine that he is a descendant of the gray wolf. Dogs were domesticated from wolves some 15,000 years ago. Wild wolves are great hunters, intelligent beasts, designed my nature to survived in the toughest environments. My puppy wouldn’t last a week without his kibble ‘n bits. But it’s not my puppy’s fault, the whole process of domestication makes animals dumber than their wild counterparts. Domestication de-evolves animals in an unnatural selective way into cute puppies, tasty beef, and dumb Americans.

The process of puppyfication, or domestication, does not only occur on animals whose traits we select and breed for, it is also affecting the American populace. American sensibilities and ideals are themselves changing by external factors such as our current education system and political correctness which is making Americans dumber. The United States was founded on the ideals of personal freedoms and liberties but now you can’t go visit grandma in Idaho without having your balls manhandled or your butt crack scanned using radiation. After the Civil War, the United States was by and large a pacifist nation and since World War II we haven’t seen a decade without being involved in a military conflict. During the Cold War, we were told that the communists are evil because they spy on their neighbors and now the Department of Homeland Security uses that same tactic in their “If you see something, say something” program. For generations, the American Dream was that if you work hard enough you can achieve anything, now it seems that the American Dream has been deferred to possibly sending your kids to college and put a little away for retirement.

I don’t have a time machine, but I can guarantee you that if we could travel back in time and talk to the founding fathers and describe to them what American has become that they would have surrendered their fight for independence because American independence is fast becoming a myth. George Washington would never have approved a Department of Homeland Security or Transportation Security Agency. Thomas Jefferson would not have condoned the Patriot Act or the Nation Defense Authorization Act. Abraham Lincoln would not have kept America at war and the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp opened for this long. The whole of the American Civil War lasted for four years, we’ve been in the current War on Terror for over ten years, and War of Drugs for over twenty-five years. We have active and covert military campaigns and war theaters across the Muslim world including Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Pakistan, Iran, Syria, and others. Teddy Roosevelt would not install surveillance equipment in secret rooms in telecommunication companies, place GPS tracking devices in peoples cars, grant millions of wiretapping requests, and sweep civil liberties under the rug. Dwight Eisenhower would not have made a complicit deal with the military-industrial-financial complex and bail out banks instead of people, and police the population with military-grade drones.

The American public is trading in personal liberties for what the government says is public security. As this change is in process, the American people don’t seem to care. In fact, it seems that we the people care more about American Idol than presidential elections.

I don’t know when the puppyfication, or the homeland domestication, of the American people began. I can also see the difference between the American frontiers people that at great odds and personal danger fought tyranny and settled this country and modern American that settles to have his butt crack radiated when visiting grandma. Just like my toy poodle is breed to be cute and adorable may not resemble it’s wolves ancestors, so do modern Americans grilling in the backyard with drones flying overhead do not resemble the revolutionary heroes that founded this nation.