From time to time, President Obama makes archaic executive orders where he starts off as the following…
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, and consistent with the provisions of the Federal Advisory Committee Act, as amended (5 U.S.C. App.), it is hereby ordered as follows
Just imagine if everyone spoke in this pompous slimeball superfluous legalese sort of way. I imagine President Obama walking around the White House with a speech writer and a teleprompter making such executive decrees whenever he pleases…
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, the Nobel Peace Price, my tribesmen of Kenya, and consistent with the provisions of the Federal Advisory Committee Fun Fact Act as amended (5 U.S.C. App.), it is hereby ordered as follows… I can has a cheeseburger.
Unlike President Obama, I don’t have a kill list. In fact, I don’t even believe in capital punishment. That said I do think that there are some people that offer very little value to the embitterment of the human race. World wide, there are an estimated 7 billion people and sometimes it feels that at least least 2 billion of them are douchebags. Here is a short list of idiots, bots, clones, drones, bullies, trolls, elitist, bourgeoisie, and douchebags that I would not mind if they just drop dead from some natural cause… Or freak accident.
Tyler, the Creator
Cenk Uygur, the old creeper at The Young Turks
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
The Kardashians including Kayne West
Jaden and Willow Smith
Ugly and Bitter People
Social Media Consultants
Faux Geeks and Wannabe Nerds
People with hidden agendas
The Governor on The Walking Dead
Anyone that gets high off their own supply
Technology evangelists and developer relations program managers that don’t know how to program
Self proclaim entrepreneurs that sell $1,000 membership courses on entrepreneurship online using a WordPress blog
Life style startup founders that use Ruby on Rails to develop time tracking apps.
Celebrities that name their kids dumb shit like Blue Ivy Vodka, Suri Curry, Prince Pineapple, Egypt Kenya Morocco Zimbabwe, Brooklyn Krypton, Alpha Alef, Bomber Hellfire, Freedom Fries, Liberty Licorice, etc.
In this post I’ll be reblogging some retweets from the past month broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events such as the upcoming general election, the Supreme Court’s decision on ObamaCare, and the ongoing investigation into the fiasco that is known as Operation Fast and Furious. Follow the conversation at xwoop and lolprez.
Barack Obama doesn’t care about white people, but he doesn’t much care for black either. The only people he cares about is George Clooney.
Romney admitted of putting a dog in it’s crate on top of a the family wagon, Obama admitted of eating dog. #DogsAgainstObama
Just like pork is the other white meat, Obama is the just another white president.
Obama Rule 33: If we can leak who leaked that leak we’ll leak the consequences.
The Obama Decree: If you are killed by the US military, by definition you must have been a military combatant even if you are a 15 y/o kid.
Obama’s Campaign Promise: We will tax you, drone you, or plant spyware virus in your network.
ObamaCare is one big penalty.
Show me the penalties.
… but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and penalties. – Benjamin Franklin
What’s in a name? that which we call a penalty by any other name would smell as sweet.
If it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it must be a penalty.
A tax is a tax is a penalty.
All taxes are penalties.
If the federal agencies are sending guns to Mexico in an operation like Fast and Furious, what are they sending to Iraq, Syria, Libya, etc?
Fast and Furious = Drugs and Death
The cooperation from the Obama administration into Fast and Furious investigation has been anything but fast fast or furious.
Fast and Furious or Dumb and Dumber?
In America, guns walk more than people. #FastAndFurious
The Supreme Court ruling on Citizens United really means Money United.
In this case, we said we would look into it, we did look into, but we can’t look into it further here. – State Department Spokesperson
In capitalist america, bunker busting bombs discover oil.
The USA might as well change its name to NSA.
National security is not above liberty, freedom, privacy, and the rule and due process of law.
The US reserves the right to use military force in response to cyber attacks and yet it finds itself cyber attacking other nations.
No one does propaganda better than the American press.
The land of opportunity is based on inequality.
The Today show is losing ratings faster than Matt Lauer is losing his hair.
When the only objective of news networks is the bottom line, then there is no free press.
In drones we trust.
The best chance to win a fight, is to change the rules of the fight…
If an opponent is preparing for a boxing fight, he will be surprised when you kick him in the face.
The United States is almost in a many war theaters as it was in the World War II. #WWIII
The United States is involved in more covert wars than it was in the Cold War.
Afghanistan is a mess, as is Libya, as is Iraq, as is Egypt, and Obama/CIA keeps droning Pakistan, and interfering in Syria. #WWIII
What if Russia puts a radar missile defense in Iran?
Will President Obama be the first US president to be charged as a war criminal?
How large are your dreams? Do you measure them in feet or in miles?
What happens when you disrupt those disrupting? #meta #disrupt
What is the sound of one hand web surfing?
Can a can cancan?
If birds evolved from dinosaurs does that mean that birds can devolve back to dinosaurs?
Is there a vaccine for idiocy?
The largest threat to mankind is mankind itself.
I can’t wait for the day when there will be an Autonomous Algorithm Automobile Association of American membership…
Trees are your friends.
The future has been sold to a time traveling mining corporations.
Nature is the world’s greatest mathematician, inventor, engineer, and biz dev guy ever.
I don’t believe that God promised any piece of land to any one group of people, ethnicity, or religion. It is completely absurd to believe that God drew up a land deed and gave it to one dude sitting around watching some sheep. But according to the Old Testament, Genesis 15:18-21, that is exactly what happened.
On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram and said, “To your descendants I give this land, from the Wadi of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates — the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites.”
So if I am going to believe this fragment of the Hebrew Bible, written by the Hebrew people, the Hebrew God promised some land to the Hebrew people where other people were actually living at the time. It’s like religious/racial eminent domain. If we could be able to add to the Bible, I am sure former President George W. Bush would petition God to transfer ownership of Iraq to the Bush Foundation.
I’m sorry but I don’t believe that God Almighty would side on one side versus another on a land dispute. I wonder where he would side in the land disputes of Native American tribes? That said, I do believe that the Jewish people were promised land by a powerful historical geo-political figure. In 1934, Joseph Stalin established the Jewish Autonomous Oblast, “which allowed for the Jews of the Soviet Union to receive a territory in which to pursue Yiddish cultural heritage within a socialist framework.” Unfortunately, the Jewish Autonomous Oblast is in the Russian Far East region and recent census indicate that the Jewish population is at around 1%.
I find the In Soviet Russia jokes really funny. If you are not familiar with these, here is classic example.
In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, Party always find you!
Recently someone posted the following question on reddit which spurred over a thousand comments: Do Russians have “In Capitalist America” jokes? Here are some of the In Capitalist America jokes from that thread of comments.
In capitalist America, government law violates you!
In capitalist America, home leaves you!
In capitalist America, Corporations buy you!
In capitalist America, your wallet owns you!
In capitalist America, corporations regulate you!
In capitalist America capitalist violates law, government and you!
In socialist America, broke bums get mad when others achieve success.
In capitalist America, corporations create the laws.
In capitalist America, home leaves you!
In capitalist America, poor feeds you!
In capitalist America, bunker busting bombs discover oil.
In capitalist America, the capital is not in America.
In capitalist America, the capitalists are not American.
In the future, American history books will claim that George Washington crossed the Bering Strait in the dead of winter and ended communism single handily by driving a wooden stake into the heart of vampire Stalin.
I’ll be surprised if there is no October surprise this election year. I could set an office pool and make some money of possible. Here is a short list of possible October surprise scenarios that the Obama campaign night pull.
Obama will drone a top al-Qaeda insurgent, like Osama’s former cook.
Obama will reveal that he has had an evolving relationship with George Clooney.
Obama will declare a no fly zone over Syria.
Obama will leak classified national security intel that zombies are real.
Obama will declassify alien technology housed in Area 51.
In this post I’ll be reblogging some retweets from the past month broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events such as the upcoming general election, Obama economics, and Romney’s Amercia. Follow the conversation at xwoop and lolprez.
I wonder if President Obama will drone someone for me if I give a campaign donation. It would be a better prize than dinner with Clooney.
Some call it Flip Flop, Obama calls it Evolution.
Obama’s New Campaign Promise: Capital punishment by lethal droning.
Obama wasn’t born in Hawaii or Kenya, he was born in Ferenginar.
When a Nobel Peace Price winner drones children, clearly there is something wrong with our concept of peace.
Is President Obama in the White House closet?
President Obama comes out of the closet… about how he feels about gays. #vote #gay
Prior to being President, Obama created zero jobs and zero economic value. And it’s debatable what he’s done since becoming president.
The American dream used to be making it as a self made man, today the American dream according to Obama is just getting by.
Since Obama took office, the number of Americans that have renounced their US citizenship has increased by more than 7 times.
Instead of raffling a $40k/plate dinner at George Clooney’s house President Obama should have raffled a job paying at least that much a year.
The second easiest thing Obama has done is order the death of Osama. The easiest thing he has done is take all the credit.
In this election, Obama will get more Facebook likes than votes.
@BarackObama doesn’t realize we are still in a recession. When Obama took office he blamed Bush, now he blames Romney. #obamanomics
Obama never ran a business, had to manage a balance sheet, or created a new job. Obama’s economics is based on debt. #obamanomics
@BarackObama do you have a bumper sticker for a heterosexual weed smoking 2nd amendment toting gold standard big pimping America fuck-yeah individual?
I’m starting to believe that the Obama campaign has no concept of how jobs work. These guys seem like they’ve never worked a day.
Obama is charging $40k a plate to have dinner with him and George Clooney, do you think he cares what you are having for dinner? #elite
Operation Fast and Furious is the Leave No Drug Cartel Behind program.
The reason why the government wants to try you with a jury of your peers is that they government thinks that you and your peers are stupid.
The whole of the US government is a giant web of conspiracies.
One Nation Under Drones
NYPD’s stop-and-frisk based on “reasonable suspicion” go against the 4th amendments’ unreasonable searches and seizures.
I am not afraid of some thief holding me up, but of the police patting me down.
You used to be innocent until proven guilty, now you are guilty if reasonable suspicious.
If the government was a publicly traded company, it would be shutdown.
The US is foiling its own terror plots.
Mitt Romney’s dad was born in Mexico… Which means that Mitt can and may have a Mexican passport and is of Mexican decent.
Under a @MittRomney presidency his own dad, who was born in Mexico, would not had been able to emigrate here.
In fact, I think that @MittRomney is an anchor baby. We should double check his birth certificate.
Next to the oldest profession is politician.
The reason why presidential candidates reach out to the youth vote is that the youth have few memories of past campaign promises.
Follow the kickbacks.
What state is Senator Lieberman from? Connecticut or Israel?
Cash is king and it gets presidents elected.
Banks are playing bailout musical chairs.
People may not understand the meaning of mortgage… It is French for “death contract.”
If there is such a thing as peak oil then there is going to be peak civilization.
One nation under austerity.
To big too fail never stopped anybody from failing… The bigger they are the harder they fall.
When financial groups run and manage health insurance companies and hospitals we are all screwed.
There are more lawyers and financial analysts making health coverage decisions than doctors and nurses.
Wall Street bankers are not too big to fail, they make errors and fail all the time. The American people are too docile to do anything about it.
All of the world’s oil belongs to us, and as such we are willing pay for it but it nevertheless belongs to us.
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction.
Private prison system is the beginning of modern and legalized slave trade.
Capitalism did not win out communism, greed did.
The Real Buffett Rule: I trust Warren Buffett to know his best to spend his money more than I trust Obama to spend mine.
Where’s the beef, where’s the jobs. It’s the economy, stupid. Read my lips, no more naked body scanners.
I have some neighbors that have like six cars… The DMV should charge a incremental percent for each additional car in a household.
Does CNN stand for Celebrity No News?!
The free press has been co-opted.
The whole idea of a free speech zone violates, rapes, and leaves for dead the unalienable and universal human right of free speech.
We are all brainwashed, it’s called the education system.
Remember how the media keep reporting that everyone was going to die because of the swine flu. That was classic.
99% = We The People
We will not be serving continental breakfast or providing free wi-fi at the revolution.
If we’re at peak oil does that mean we’ve also reached peak civilization?
Big money always trumps good science.
US Syria Plan: Observer -> Peace Keeper -> Consultant -> No Fly Zone -> Marines -> Soldiers -> Mercenaries -> Oil Company Men -> Oil Workers
There will be more police than athletes at the London 2012 Olympics.
One Nation Under War: we have a war on terror, war on the rich, war on drugs, war on pacifists, war on women, …
Oil is not infinite, and the only way to get American interventionists out of a country is for that country to not have any oil left.
Oil is great!
All your oil belongs to us.
Was Dear John written by the War Department?
There are no such things as a random bullet.
If NASA would have found oil instead of water in Mars we would already had colonized it.
Gay marriage is like a Boca Burger.
Hipsters are the swinger vote.
The Zoloft Defense: Assault someone under the influence of Zoloft and you may get out of jail free.
The Secret: Positive thinking and a AK-47 can change the world.
A lot of human morality is based on jealousy.
The Bachelorette should be renamed to The Douchebags.
Apparently there is no such thing as a dumb question or a dumb tweet.
Inside every dream wedding is a nightmare divorce.
What is the short abbreviated name for the Comedy Awards? The Commies?
There is no ideology only ego.
There is nothing royal about the royal family.
In Da Future
In the future, there will be little difference between a known journalist and known terrorist.
In the future, you’ll pay taxes at the local, state, federal, and united nations level.
In the future, there will be a vaccine to cure you of your humanity.
In the future, the White House counsel will declare the Supreme Court unconstitutional.
The national food in #Amercia must be the #potatoe.
Romney thinks we live in #Amercia and Obama thinks Westminster Abbey is in a time bubble in 2008.
I think Romney will win the presidency in #Amercia.
Romney doesn’t only misspell #Amercia but also his own name to #Rmoney.
Romney app didn’t misspell America… He was sending code indicating who really runs AmerCIA.
There is a group of people, commonly known as birthers, that believe that Barack Obama was not born in the United States. These birthers believe that President Obama was born in the African nation of Kenya. I for one don’t believe that President Obama was born in Kenya. It has been widely published that President Obama is related to Republican leaders such as Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, and even George W. Bush. I’ve unearth new evidence of one other of Obama’s long lost relative, Quark. Here is a side by side comparison of President Barack Obama and Quark, the fictional character from Star Trek. The similarities between Obama and Quark are uncanny that I don’t believe Obama was born in Kenya but now think it possible that he was actually born in Ferengi home world of Ferenginar.
A side by side comparaision of Obama (left) and Quark (right).