Recently at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, people were asked to tweet with the hashtag #nerdprom. Of course, #nerdprom was the wrong hashtag for the event. A more appropriate hashtag would have been #doucheprom. But the White House complicit correspondents are not the only ones attempting to appropriate the word nerd. Just about anyone that says they like video games or idiotically repeats internet memes like “May the Fourth be with you” think of themselves as true nerds. Since when did being a nerd become cool? But being a nerd is just like being cool, if you say you are a nerd you most like aren’t a nerd. Case in point, the Nerdist podcast. There is nothing nerd about the Nerdist podcast, instead of talking nerd the folks behind the Nerdist podcast mostly interview E-level Hollywood celebrities from the E! studios. Instead of being a true die hard dual-core nerd, Chris Hardwick is a Ryan Seacrest imitator and wannabe. Going to Comic-con to exploit nerds does not make one a nerd.
Category Archives: Humor
Laundry Cycle
The more clothes you have, the more clothes pileup. The more clothes you have pileup, the less you want to do laundry. This is a never ending cycle. The less laundry you do, the less clean clothes you have and the larger the pile of dirty clothes. The larger the pile of dirty clothes, the less you want to do the laundry. Eventually you find yourself with no clean clothes and instead of working through the dirty pile and washing your clothes, you buy more clothes. The more clothes you buy, the more clothes you have to pile up in the laundry room, the less you want to do the laundry, the more you buy more clothes. It’s endless cycle that feeds upon itself, a snow ball effect of dirty clothes.
Male Pattern Stress
According to Wikipedia, the average life expectancy for American men is 75 compared to 80 for women. On average, men die up to five years earlier than women and I would say that the reason for that difference is women. It’s very stressful to be a man in our society, to be the bread winner, the head of household, the provider and decider. In addition to providing financially for the family, men have to provide security, and moral support which includes going shopping with the wife and answering dangerous and difficult questions like “does this make me look fat?” What is often missed as the cause of the early demise of men is that women do put a lot of extra pressure on men.
Men are constantly juggling between pressure and stress at work and at home. If the family car develops an issues, the men have to take care of it. If the house springs a leak, the men have to address it. If the neighbor is too loud, the men have to resolve it with the neighbor. If the kids are having problems at school, the men have to handle it. If there are problems at work, the men have to deal with it.
If your partner is stress, she will let you know about it. If she is concerned, you are the first to hear about. If she doesn’t like something, you better not like it either. If she she reads all of TMZ to you, you better pay attention because there will be a quiz later. If she wants something done to the house, you better go to Home Depot. If she wants to keep up with the Joneses, you better refinance it.
All of this stress, burden, pressure, tension builds up in a man and it eventually crushes him physically. When I see a large or fat man out with his beautiful wife and family at a chain restaurant ordering a large medium rare piece of stake, I feel sorry for the guy and think to myself, “that guy is trying to kill himself… slowly, one meal at a time.”
$1 Billion in Taxes
It’s been reported that Facebook founder owes the IRS a cool $1 billion. Which goes to show you that if Dr. Evil wanted the everyone to pay him $1 billion dollars he should have gotten a job with the government and simply tax the people.
So what can Dr. Evil, I mean the government, do with $1 billion nowadays? The Afghan war is costing the American tax payers $300 million a day, so Mark Zuckerberg can foot the fill for a little over three days himself.
To deploy a single soldier in Afghanistan, it is reported as costing somewhere between $850,000 to $1,200,000 a year. Mark Zuckerberg’s tax bill can support about 1,000 soldiers in the field for a whole year.
Google Glass Porn
Sergey Brin, Google co-founder, was seen in the New York subway system wearing a prototype of the Google Glass. Google Glass is a wearable computer in the shape of a pair of glasses with a small built-in camera and microphone. As I write this, Google Glass is not yet available to consumers but Google employees and and a few select external influencers, celebrities, and other trend setters have had access to Google Glass devices.
So… by now, you have to believe that someone has already recorded some Google Glass porn. With the research and development that Google put into Google Glass, I think Google just invented a new category of porn.
Someone at Google has already made the first ever Google Glass pron.
Disney’s Planes and Drones
This is how original Disney is… they steal classic fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White, the appropriate historical figures like Mulan and Pocahontas. Now, Disney is following up on the Cars franchise with Planes. Disney’s Planes is based on the same antropromorphic world of talking vehicles with names like Dusty and Rusty and and Musty and Busty and Lusty. The originality for the concept behind Planes shows that Disney has replaced its creativity with a cash register. Since I have reversed engineered Disney’s creative process, I can predict up coming Disney movies… Later this year look for Trains. Early next next, Disney will release Boats, followed on by Drones.
Disney’s Planes
Pompous Potus Maximus
From time to time, President Obama makes archaic executive orders where he starts off as the following…
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, and consistent with the provisions of the Federal Advisory Committee Act, as amended (5 U.S.C. App.), it is hereby ordered as follows
Just imagine if everyone spoke in this pompous slimeball superfluous legalese sort of way. I imagine President Obama walking around the White House with a speech writer and a teleprompter making such executive decrees whenever he pleases…
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, the Nobel Peace Price, my tribesmen of Kenya, and consistent with the provisions of the Federal Advisory Committee Fun Fact Act as amended (5 U.S.C. App.), it is hereby ordered as follows… I can has a cheeseburger.
Not A Kill List, But I Won’t Minding If These People Died
Unlike President Obama, I don’t have a kill list. In fact, I don’t even believe in capital punishment. That said I do think that there are some people that offer very little value to the embitterment of the human race. World wide, there are an estimated 7 billion people and sometimes it feels that at least least 2 billion of them are douchebags. Here is a short list of idiots, bots, clones, drones, bullies, trolls, elitist, bourgeoisie, and douchebags that I would not mind if they just drop dead from some natural cause… Or freak accident.
- Brad Pitt
- Anne Hathaway
- Justin Bieber
- Tyler, the Creator
- Janelle Monae
- Cenk Uygur, the old creeper at The Young Turks
- Bill Nye, the Science Guy
- Neil DeGrasse
- Quvenzhane Wallis
- George Clooney
- The Kardashians including Kayne West
- Jaden and Willow Smith
- Marco Rubio
- Rachel Maddow
- Adria Richards
- Anil Dash
- Ugly and Bitter People
- All Hipsters
- Media Whores
- Social Media Consultants
- Faux Geeks and Wannabe Nerds
- People with hidden agendas
- The Governor on The Walking Dead
- Anyone that gets high off their own supply
- Technology evangelists and developer relations program managers that don’t know how to program
- Self proclaim entrepreneurs that sell $1,000 membership courses on entrepreneurship online using a WordPress blog
- Life style startup founders that use Ruby on Rails to develop time tracking apps.
- Celebrities that name their kids dumb shit like Blue Ivy Vodka, Suri Curry, Prince Pineapple, Egypt Kenya Morocco Zimbabwe, Brooklyn Krypton, Alpha Alef, Bomber Hellfire, Freedom Fries, Liberty Licorice, etc.
- Meta-bullies, bullies that bully bullies
Retweet June 2012
In this post I’ll be reblogging some retweets from the past month broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events such as the upcoming general election, the Supreme Court’s decision on ObamaCare, and the ongoing investigation into the fiasco that is known as Operation Fast and Furious. Follow the conversation at xwoop and lolprez.
Obamanation
- Barack Obama doesn’t care about white people, but he doesn’t much care for black either. The only people he cares about is George Clooney.
- Romney admitted of putting a dog in it’s crate on top of a the family wagon, Obama admitted of eating dog. #DogsAgainstObama
- Just like pork is the other white meat, Obama is the just another white president.
- Obama Rule 33: If we can leak who leaked that leak we’ll leak the consequences.
- The Obama Decree: If you are killed by the US military, by definition you must have been a military combatant even if you are a 15 y/o kid.
- Obama’s Campaign Promise: We will tax you, drone you, or plant spyware virus in your network.
Obamacare
- ObamaCare is one big penalty.
- Show me the penalties.
- … but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and penalties. – Benjamin Franklin
- What’s in a name? that which we call a penalty by any other name would smell as sweet.
- If it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it must be a penalty.
- A tax is a tax is a penalty.
- All taxes are penalties.
Got Gov?
- If the federal agencies are sending guns to Mexico in an operation like Fast and Furious, what are they sending to Iraq, Syria, Libya, etc?
- Fast and Furious = Drugs and Death
- The cooperation from the Obama administration into Fast and Furious investigation has been anything but fast fast or furious.
- Fast and Furious or Dumb and Dumber?
- In America, guns walk more than people. #FastAndFurious
- The Supreme Court ruling on Citizens United really means Money United.
- In this case, we said we would look into it, we did look into, but we can’t look into it further here. – State Department Spokesperson
- In capitalist america, bunker busting bombs discover oil.
- The USA might as well change its name to NSA.
- National security is not above liberty, freedom, privacy, and the rule and due process of law.
- The US reserves the right to use military force in response to cyber attacks and yet it finds itself cyber attacking other nations.
Propagandon’t
- No one does propaganda better than the American press.
- The land of opportunity is based on inequality.
- The Today show is losing ratings faster than Matt Lauer is losing his hair.
- When the only objective of news networks is the bottom line, then there is no free press.
War Racket
- In drones we trust.
- The best chance to win a fight, is to change the rules of the fight…
- If an opponent is preparing for a boxing fight, he will be surprised when you kick him in the face.
- The United States is almost in a many war theaters as it was in the World War II. #WWIII
- The United States is involved in more covert wars than it was in the Cold War.
- Afghanistan is a mess, as is Libya, as is Iraq, as is Egypt, and Obama/CIA keeps droning Pakistan, and interfering in Syria. #WWIII
Question
- What if Russia puts a radar missile defense in Iran?
- Will President Obama be the first US president to be charged as a war criminal?
- How large are your dreams? Do you measure them in feet or in miles?
- What happens when you disrupt those disrupting? #meta #disrupt
- What is the sound of one hand web surfing?
- Can a can cancan?
- If birds evolved from dinosaurs does that mean that birds can devolve back to dinosaurs?
- Is there a vaccine for idiocy?
Randumb
- The largest threat to mankind is mankind itself.
- I can’t wait for the day when there will be an Autonomous Algorithm Automobile Association of American membership…
- Trees are your friends.
- The future has been sold to a time traveling mining corporations.
- Nature is the world’s greatest mathematician, inventor, engineer, and biz dev guy ever.
The Promised Land
I don’t believe that God promised any piece of land to any one group of people, ethnicity, or religion. It is completely absurd to believe that God drew up a land deed and gave it to one dude sitting around watching some sheep. But according to the Old Testament, Genesis 15:18-21, that is exactly what happened.
On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram and said, “To your descendants I give this land, from the Wadi of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates — the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites.”
So if I am going to believe this fragment of the Hebrew Bible, written by the Hebrew people, the Hebrew God promised some land to the Hebrew people where other people were actually living at the time. It’s like religious/racial eminent domain. If we could be able to add to the Bible, I am sure former President George W. Bush would petition God to transfer ownership of Iraq to the Bush Foundation.
I’m sorry but I don’t believe that God Almighty would side on one side versus another on a land dispute. I wonder where he would side in the land disputes of Native American tribes? That said, I do believe that the Jewish people were promised land by a powerful historical geo-political figure. In 1934, Joseph Stalin established the Jewish Autonomous Oblast, “which allowed for the Jews of the Soviet Union to receive a territory in which to pursue Yiddish cultural heritage within a socialist framework.” Unfortunately, the Jewish Autonomous Oblast is in the Russian Far East region and recent census indicate that the Jewish population is at around 1%.