Evolution of Undergarments

Underwear is like the appendix of garments, it’s almost a vestigial article of clothing. Today with our modern technology of in-home plumbing and heating and air conditioning, we can shower as much as we like, wash our clothes at any hour of the day, and stay nice and warm no matter the temperature outside. These factors had lead to the evolution of the underwear from granny panties big ass flag size waist high underwear to g-strings. The underwear has evolved to become an optional accessory, a bracelet for you butt.

Kids are the Glue in Marriage

People do a lot of shit for their kids… Like staying married… If it wasn’t for kids, most people won’t stay together as long as they do… First argument over dirty socks… File for divorce over dirty sock irreconcilable difference… Fuck your dirty stinky feet, I’m out… Moving back home to my moms…

Public Statement from the NSA on Planned Fourth of July Demonstrations

Public statement made by the NSA regarding planned Fourth of July demonstrations.

The Fourth of July reminds us as Americans of the perceived freedoms and regulated rights all citizens of our country are guaranteed by our Constitution. Among those is freedom of speech, often exercised in protests of various kinds. NSA does not object to any lawful, peaceful protest but be advised that we will be monitoring your freedom of speech and anything you say or ever had said may be used against you in a secret court of law. NSA and its employees work diligently and lawfully every day, around the clock and around the world, to protect the public and private interest of our clients.

Stupid Shit Anita Sarkeesian Says

Anita Sarkeesian describes herself as follows.

Anita Sarkeesian is a media critic and the creator of Feminist Frequency, a video webseries that explores the representations of women in pop culture narratives.

In reality, she is an attention seeking feminazi blogger that believes that everything in the world is misogynist, if not sexist, and that everyone that disagrees with her does so because they are misogynist too. The following is a synopsis of Anita Sarkeesian’s world view and belief system.

  • Lego advertising is misogynist
  • YouTube rating and comments are misogynist
  • All space and alien movies are misogynist
  • Video games heroes and villains are misogynist
  • Christmas songs are misogynist
  • All hip hop culture is misogynist
  • Nature is clearly misogynist
  • Recorded history are misogynist
  • Feminine hygiene products are misogynist
  • The shape of a penis is misogynist
  • The idea of a sandwich is misogynist
  • Google Glass is misogynist
  • Anything girlie or pink is misogynist
  • Windows 8 is misogynist
  • The design of a hammer is misogynist
  • Most video game controllers is misogynist
  • Men’s opinions are misogynist
  • Internet trolls are misogynist
  • Cooking is misogynist
  • Bras are misogynist
  • Child bearing and rearing is misogynist
  • Labels are misogynist
  • God is a misogynist
  • Religion is misogynist
  • Middle Eastern food is misogynist
  • Sex is clearly misogynist.
  • The banana is misogynist
  • The Brazilian wax is misogynist
  • Beauty products are misogynist
  • Naturally attractive women are misogynist
  • Board games are definitely misogynist
  • Hellfire missiles are misogynist
  • Pepper spray are misogynist
  • Anyone that disagrees with her misogynist
  • Sexuality is misogynist
  • Natural selection is misogynist
  • Global warming is misogynist
  • The scientific method is misogynist
  • Capitalism is misogynist
  • Debate is misogynist
  • Cosmetic plastic surgery is misogynist
Flag of the Feminazi

Flag of the Feminazi

Faux Nerds and Nerdxplotation

Recently at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, people were asked to tweet with the hashtag #nerdprom. Of course, #nerdprom was the wrong hashtag for the event. A more appropriate hashtag would have been #doucheprom. But the White House complicit correspondents are not the only ones attempting to appropriate the word nerd. Just about anyone that says they like video games or idiotically repeats internet memes like “May the Fourth be with you” think of themselves as true nerds. Since when did being a nerd become cool? But being a nerd is just like being cool, if you say you are a nerd you most like aren’t a nerd. Case in point, the Nerdist podcast. There is nothing nerd about the Nerdist podcast, instead of talking nerd the folks behind the Nerdist podcast mostly interview E-level Hollywood celebrities from the E! studios. Instead of being a true die hard dual-core nerd, Chris Hardwick is a Ryan Seacrest imitator and wannabe. Going to Comic-con to exploit nerds does not make one a nerd.

Laundry Cycle

The more clothes you have, the more clothes pileup.  The more clothes you have pileup, the less you want to do laundry.  This is a never ending cycle. The less laundry you do, the less clean clothes you have and the larger the pile of dirty clothes. The larger the pile of dirty clothes, the less you want to do the laundry. Eventually you find yourself with no clean clothes and instead of working through the dirty pile and washing your clothes, you buy more clothes. The more clothes you buy, the more clothes you have to pile up in the laundry room, the less you want to do the laundry, the more you buy more clothes. It’s endless cycle that feeds upon itself, a snow ball effect of dirty clothes.

Male Pattern Stress

According to Wikipedia, the average life expectancy for American men is 75 compared to 80 for women. On average, men die up to five years earlier than women and I would say that the reason for that difference is women. It’s very stressful to be a man in our society, to be the bread winner, the head of household, the provider and decider. In addition to providing financially for the family, men have to provide security, and moral support which includes going shopping with the wife and answering dangerous and difficult questions like “does this make me look fat?” What is often missed as the cause of the early demise of men is that women do put a lot of extra pressure on men.

Men are constantly juggling between pressure and stress at work and at home. If the family car develops an issues, the men have to take care of it. If the house springs a leak, the men have to address it. If the neighbor is too loud, the men have to resolve it with the neighbor. If the kids are having problems at school, the men have to handle it. If there are problems at work, the men have to deal with it.

If your partner is stress, she will let you know about it. If she is concerned, you are the first to hear about. If she doesn’t like something, you better not like it either. If she she reads all of TMZ to you, you better pay attention because there will be a quiz later. If she wants something done to the house, you better go to Home Depot. If she wants to keep up with the Joneses, you better refinance it.

All of this stress, burden, pressure, tension builds up in a man and it eventually crushes him physically. When I see a large or fat man out with his beautiful wife and family at a chain restaurant ordering a large medium rare piece of stake, I feel sorry for the guy and think to myself, “that guy is trying to kill himself… slowly, one meal at a time.”

$1 Billion in Taxes

It’s been reported that Facebook founder owes the IRS a cool $1 billion. Which goes to show you that if Dr. Evil wanted the everyone to pay him $1 billion dollars he should have gotten a job with the government and simply tax the people.

So what can Dr. Evil, I mean the government, do with $1 billion nowadays? The Afghan war is costing the American tax payers $300 million a day, so Mark Zuckerberg can foot the fill for a little over three days himself.

To deploy a single soldier in Afghanistan, it is reported as costing somewhere between $850,000 to $1,200,000 a year. Mark Zuckerberg’s tax bill can support about 1,000 soldiers in the field for a whole year.

Google Glass Porn

Sergey Brin, Google co-founder, was seen in the New York subway system wearing a prototype of the Google Glass. Google Glass is a wearable computer in the shape of a pair of glasses with a small built-in camera and microphone. As I write this, Google Glass is not yet available to consumers but Google employees and and a few select external influencers, celebrities, and other trend setters have had access to Google Glass devices.

So… by now, you have to believe that someone has already recorded some Google Glass porn. With the research and development that Google put into Google Glass, I think Google just invented a new category of porn.

Sergey Brin Wearing Google Glass Device

Someone at Google has already made the first ever Google Glass pron.

Disney’s Planes and Drones

This is how original Disney is… they steal classic fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White, the appropriate historical figures like Mulan and Pocahontas. Now, Disney is following up on the Cars franchise with Planes. Disney’s Planes is based on the same antropromorphic world of talking vehicles with names like Dusty and Rusty and and Musty and Busty and Lusty. The originality for the concept behind Planes shows that Disney has replaced its creativity with a cash register. Since I have reversed engineered Disney’s creative process, I can predict up coming Disney movies… Later this year look for Trains. Early next next, Disney will release Boats, followed on by Drones.

Disney's Planes

Disney’s Planes