Best Goldman Sachs Elevator Gossip

The best twitter account right now must have to be @GSElevator, which tweets comments overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevators. The account has yet to be verified by the folks of Twitter but it sounds legit. I’m sure the folks at Goldman Sachs are thankful this twitter account doesn’t post things heard in Goldman Sachs bathrooms. Here are some of my recent favorite tweets from @GSElevator.

  • #1: We’re all God’s children. Some of us just deserve a higher allowance.
  • #1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.
  • Skirt #1: Whenever I get stressed, I go shoe shopping.  [exits]. Suit #1 (to Suit #2): Obviously not for running shoes. 
  • #1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
  • #1: The Obama administration has single-handedly revived the layaway industry.
  • #1: Rules are for the obedience of fools, and the guidance of people like us.
  • [classic] #1: Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice.
  • #1: Europe is starting to make African leaders look competent.
  • #1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
  • #1: Hey fat fuck, I already know what your resolution is.
  • #1: Whenever I see a black guy with my last name, I can’t help but wonder if my family used to own his.
  • #1: She’s only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot. #2: Maybe 4.
  • 1: Look thru her passport. You can usually tell if the relationship is worth pursuing. (Laughs) 3 stamps, and they all say ‘Cancun.’
  • #1: Obama is aging fast enough for Morgan Freeman to play him in a movie.
  • #1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.
  • #1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement. #2: Fuck. That wouldn’t cover a ski weekend.
  • #1: Either Facebook sucks, or my friends suck.
  • #1: I started winning the day I was conceived.
  • #1: Ronald Reagan always spent Christmas in DC so more Secret Servicemen could spend it with their families. #aloha
  • #1: I love watching Asian guys smell and swirl their wine obnoxiously. And then their faces get all blotchy. Pussies.
  • #1: I’m rich, but not give-up-my-US-passport rich… Yet.
  • #1: I help with the recruiting effort, or as I call it, the Office Beautification Project.
  • [classic] #1: I wish I invested in poverty. It’s up 60% since 2001. #2: We did.
  • #1: She wants the person I am 10% of the time, 100% of the time. #2: That’s you not being you. #EndIt
  • #1: Sending flowers to her office is like a big neon sign to her coworkers saying, “The asshole screwed up again.”
  • #1: If you want a friend, get a dog. If you want a friend with benefits, find some chick who’s in PR.
  • #1: In New York, don’t trust a banker with a pocket square. In London, it’s a pinky ring… And in Asia, don’t fucking trust anyone.
  • MD#1: Every horrible wife starts out as an adorable girlfriend.
  • [classic] #1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.
  • #1: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
  • #1: If I were single and always sober, I wouldn’t need to password lock my iPhone.
  • #1: Can we please stop calling them ‘hipsters’ and go back to calling them ‘pussies?’
  • [classic] #1: The Euro is dead. They’re just bickering over who pays for the funeral.
  • #1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.
  • Suit#1 (on cell phone): “Yes… Yes… I know… Yes… Ok, you too… Bye.” [hang ups]. “Jesus Christ, I hope my next wife doesn’t do this.”
  • #1: China is the only country that gets to have towns in just about every city in the world.

Leave a Reply, Join the Conversation