Facebook Makes You

Here is a collection of humorous tweets from the recent trending hashtag #faceboomakesyou.

  • @missksp: facebook makes you wanna smash the computer and thats y i deleted it
  • @stevosal: Facebook makes you Popular. Twitter makes u twit!
  • @AdorableGore: Facebook makes you wonder why it’s better than MySpace (if you don’t have it)
  • @RanggaJingga: Facebook makes you leave friendster, and Twitter makes you leave facebook, because myspace are for children.. lol
  • @callmeteliz: Facebook Makes You become addicted haha
  • @raquelcg: Facebook makes you love Orkut q
  • @mojoJOEjo: Facebook Makes You an obsessive, crazy, sleepless zombie
  • @shadrach: Facebook Makes You play xylophone using your penis as a mallet.
  • @DamaJackson: Facebook makes you so unsociable and addicted. Twitter makes you awshum. :]
  • @zoeox: facebook makes you angry when it doesnt work!! grr
  • @Manny_18: Facebook Makes You wanna go to sleep :(
  • @zwischenspiel: Facebook makes you myspace-resistant
  • @juixe: Facebook makes you use your real identity so it is easier for your exe to stalk you.
  • @TheJuanReyes: Facebook makes you want to check your Twitter. then go back, all while you refresh your myspace.
  • @refrobpage: Facebook Makes you….GO CRAZY! DONT MIND IF I DO
  • @alyssaxxooo: Facebook Makes You want to have babies :D
  • @Merchaholic: Facebook makes you do crack.
  • @juixe: Facebook makes you realize you where once cool, what happened to you?
  • @juperd: Facebook Makes You stare at your monitor, hoping someone will buy you at Friends For Sale. Retarded.
  • @juixe: Facebook makes you realize you need new friends!
  • @Milkshakesrule: Facebook makes you feel sick and childish.
  • @supazombie: facebook makes you bring out your inner stalker.
  • @juixe: Facebook Makes You wanna punch someone in their Facebook.
  • @Heleene: Facebook Makes You Depressive (and gothic. =l).
  • @Zushoo: Facebook Makes You Jizz in your pants :D
  • @parisianskies: Facebook makes you paranoid that your internet connection has dropped out, when in actual fact, it’s just that it’s a fucked up site!
  • @HarvestCountry: Facebook makes you realize that once you begin an account there is no real way to delete it. Only deactivate it.
  • @UniqueNY: Facebook Makes You addicted to #FarmVille And #YoVille
  • @mnkyboi452: Totally agree that Facebook Makes You an attention whore!!!
  • @gciecrownholder: trending topic: Facebook makes you find out where your man goes while you’re away. haha
  • @asraina: Facebook makes you wanna switch to Twitter! the best line!! (got it from the search section)

Text That Get No Reply

Recently the hashtag #textthatgetnoreply was trending on Twitter. Here are a few funny tweets that I saved as favorites from this trend.

  • @Dacrizzy: #textthatgetnoreply Hey Is this Elmo Sanchez?
  • @beckers_dog: #textthatgetnoreply Hey sexy!
  • @capsling: #textthatgetnoreply are you asleep?
  • @AustinatDIMEmag: #textthatgetnoreply I’m stranded out here. Need a ride.
  • @ezb14: #textthatgetnoreply Quick: How many feet in a yard?
  • @minusthejosh16: #textthatgetnoreply Who is this?
  • @mdrwhitener: #textthatgetnoreply From Kennedi: I’m upstairs, can you bring me some water?
  • @LyricalMontster: #textthatgetnoreply “U cheatin on me?”……….ummm yes???
  • @Dacrizzy: #textthatgetnoreply I just finished applying my vagisil. Whats up?
  • @AMENdeezy: #textthatgetnoreply (female voice) I’m on my periooood
  • @prettimzyaya: #textthatgetnoreply “WAKE UP”
  • @BIGxTRE: #textthatgetnoreply Were u still gonna help me move dis weekend??
  • @Piinkkiissess: #textthatgetnoreply Are you Up?
  • @jahhh: #textthatgetnoreply can i borrow some money?
  • @corymorlidge: #textthatgetnoreply “lol” – How do you even respond to that? It kills ANY conversation.
  • @EFF_Boy: #textthatgetnoreply hey i forgot to take the morning after pill. Can we meet for coffee?
  • @trvsdotcom: #textthatgetnoreply So we still cool?
  • @fafinista: who’s home? #textthatgetnoreply

Balloon Boy

The are report of evidence that the whole ordeal that Balloon Boy put the nation through was a hoax orchestrated by Balloon Boy’s reality television obsessed dad. Balloon Boy and other hashtags associated to him where trending all day when this happened. People where glued to Twitter for information about Balloon Boy. Here are some choice tweets gathered from Twitter as it was happening live.

  • @cheninboutwell: dear #balloonboy, you owe me an hour of my life back.
  • @tollehaus: What parent *hasn’t* left their huge helium balloon tethered within reach of their young children? Let’s not get all judgy… #balloonboy
  • @ComputerFriends: Wonder how much the bill will be for ‘hiding in the attic’ #balloonboy
  • @greg_a_elliott: is selling Balloon Boy Brand HIDING BOXES! Get yours today! Perfect for home, tavern or office! WHEREVER YOU SCREW UP BAD! #balloonboy #hype
  • @AaronKlein: #Balloonboy is found in his garage. “Uh…mom and dad are looking for you, man. Oh yeah, and Katie Couric called.”
  • @Tinkbell1422: #balloonboy is the little douchebag that stiffed me at work today lemme catch his ass watch..
  • @thext: has anybody considered looking for #balloonboy inside the house before spending 1/2 million dollars to rescue him from his f’n UFO?
  • @shervin: Balloon boy is ‘grounded’, literally. #balloonboy
  • @jjuunniiee: #balloonboy would be grounded for the rest of his life if he were my kid.
  • @oheredia: i guess #balloonboy was actually #atticboy
  • @budweiserplease: this whole #balloonboy incident is exactly why i’m never having kids. i would always lose them. speaking of, has anyone seen my dog?
  • @princessangela: Yo Balloon Boy, I’m a let you finish, but Anne Frank had the best attic hideout spot of all time. #balloonboy
  • @caitlint: Was #balloonboy sponsored by Redbull?
  • @toddadamson: What’s TMZ saying about #balloonboy?
  • @shmeilia: i dont know whether to be scared for balloon boy or super jealous of him for having a homemade hot air balloon in the 1st place! #balloonboy
  • @BeeJayEmCee: (Lmfaoooo)– Hold on #balloonboy, imma let you finish, but Amelia Earhart had one of the best disappearances in flight OF ALL TIME!!
  • @SpAM_CAN: Wasn’t #balloonboy livestreamed the whole time? Couldn’t they wind the tape back?
  • @csmyers88: WHERE IS #balloonboy in Nevernever land????
  • @dja17: CNN has stopped caring about #balloonboy and has switched to health care lmao == Cause it’s fake
  • @jayilla: this #balloonboy reminds me of the Simpsons episode when bart fell down the well lol. . . .
  • @TheFagCasanova: Pixar have gone all out to promote ‘Up’ haven’t they? #Balloonboy
  • @nydblockny: older brother reported #balloonboy as missing… sounds like he killed him by mistake and then set that shit off.
  • @matthewjoseph: I blame aliens #balloonboy
  • @infidel118i: It’s fucking ironic #balloonboy ‘s name is FALCON, yo. Hope the kid werent in it though.
  • @nAn18: Kids in my day used to buy magic beans to grow a beanstalk to reach the clouds. Fuckin science, keep on flyin #balloonboy

Sorry Bow Wow

I love Twitter Trends. One of my favorite was the backlash of Unfollow Diddy back in May, 2009. Recently, Bow Wow was trending on Twitter under the hashtag #sorrybowwow.

  • @j_keys_85: #sorrybowwow but did u buy ur rhyming skills at toys-r-us? lol
  • @nailprincess1: #sorrybowwow you a paper thug
  • @WillieBman: #sorrybowwow clubs don’t serve a glass of warm milk for ya!
  • @SwaggLA: #SORRYBOWWOW BUT YOUR BABYGAP MEMBERSHIP HAS RAN OUT .. GYMBOREE IS STILL OPEN
  • @mjames4040: #sorrybowwow that yoda is taller than you
  • @imfrombrooklyn: #sorrybowwow YOU are the weakest link, GOODBYE!!
  • @richyungflashy: #sorrybowwow You can’t be takin seriously when you sit down and your feet swing
  • @S3SHA: Thank u for choosing unique auto but #sorrybowwow it’s against the law 2 install carseats in the driver seat!
  • @S3STARLO: #sorrybowwow its not our fault ya moms throwin ya 28th bday bash at chucky cheeses lmaooooooooo
  • @myfabolouslife: #sorrybowwow Ur the child star of hip hop.. Ure like Webster, Gary Coleman..
  • @myfabolouslife: #sorrybowwow we don’t hav sippy cups at the club!
  • @donabiola: #postsecret ciara left you cos, even if you used your whole body, you still reach the bottom #sorrybowwow
  • @MsGiGi00: #sorrybowwow but aren’t you like four? You still got similac on your breath….sitcho ass down!
  • @youngfoch: #sorrybowwow but your boss Lil Wayne was on Fabs album and Lil Wanye was on his….neither will be on your next CD
  • @BoyYb: #sorrybowwow but you will never be mentioned for music mondays…
  • @KamiKaze1911: #sorrybowwow kids use your cds as ninja stars on halloween
  • @SouletryKid: #sorrybowwow but if u jumped in a bucket of blue paint I would swear u were a smurf… (LOL)
  • @Jdashmajesty: #sorrybowwow your career is heading in so many direction and still none of them are looking up

Free Million Dollar Business Ideas

I just don’t have the free time to execute on every million dollar idea I have, so I am giving them away for free, royalty free, as in free beer and freedom some of my million dollar business ideas! With the right entrepreneurship attitude, you can take this idea to profitability.

Product Placement in Books – Advertisers invented soap operas just to advertise soap. Baseball cards started off as a marketing gimmick for cigarettes. Now, ads are as pervasive as the air we breath and it pays for a lot of the content we normally consider as free. But people don’t like to sit and watch ads, or billboards, or commercials so advertisers have developed product placement ads in movies, video games, and hip-hop music. One media that has not been monetized is the book industry. Imagine, classic with product placement from companies contemporary to the time the book was written. Pride and Prejudice with a supplement chapter or two dedicated to the products and services of the British East India Company! In this fashion, your company can be immortalized in literature. There is a business opportunity for the right marketer to embed ads to your products of services in fiction. For example, imagine the next Danielle Steel romance book being sponsored with embedded as by K-Y Yours + Mine Couples Lubricant that are part of the storyline.

Be a Pioneer – You might be asking yourself, how can I be a pioneer if the West has been won? By pioneer I don’t mean for you to settle in out West in some homestead, I mean be a social media pioneer. About this for a case study, Tila Tequila was one of the earliest pioneer on MySpace. As an early user of MySpace, Miss Tequila was able monopolize her network into a platform to launch a career. Okay, I know what you are saying, “Tila Tequila has a career.” Twitter has provided a number of examples where early Twitter adopter that leveraged the power of friendship and follower have done well for themselves. Zappos, the online retail store, has made it public that it has a Twitter course for new employees. To be clear, be a pioneer and leader in any new and up coming social media community. The truth, is that you can’t predict which and when a new social medium will gain traction or momentum but the cost to entry is usually small. And, as an early adopter, you will get online creed for reaching out to your customer base in new forms and fashion! Just think of it this way, you can’t be first in your industry to have a web page, but you might be the first to have a Twitter account! Monopolize your lead in new social forums to your competitive advantage.

Universal Order Number – A Universal Order Number is printed of your receipt at a restaurant, which I can go online to check for example a drive through order and to make a specific complaint, such as they forgot an order of fries. This can be be used as a market and customer service feature where you can get promotional material based on your recent purchase or where you can complain about missing items. This can also be used to generate customer service reports, as part of surveys for new product trials, provide health tips about the food purchased. Of course you can group orders and see the life time of your purchases. This service would not be complete without the ability to automatically complain or praise of the service via integration with Facebook and/or Twitter.

Gender Specific Foreign Language Books – When a women goes to a foreign country they need a phrase book specific for their needs. A foreign language phrase book for women would help with translations such as: What size is it? Does it come in black? Do you have size 10?

Rating Service Bureau – One of the best business idea I have seen, next to credit card companies, are rating service companies. For example, there are companies that rate bonds, and other investments vehicles. That are service companies that rate individuals credit history. In theory, you can rate anything. You can rate different cell phone plans, quality of different bottled water companies, or rate travel packages. Rating companies such as Standard and Poor’s and Energy Star have become de facto rating services for their industries that they have become a focal point in the economic recovery and green initiative, respectively.

Insurance – Insurance are great business ideas. Insurance is like a tax, you can always come up with a new one. You can create new insurance policies, such as child support insurance to cover the probability of your baby’s daddy being a dead beat. You can create a new insurance policy for the probability that they will lose their health insurance. You can insure anything, it is like Vegas except you pay people not for winning but for a bad event happening to them.

1-800 Directory – They say those who can’t do, teach. Well, those that can’t create content, aggregate. You can be a aggregator for a particular service, such as 1-800-flowers or 1-800-dentists. Imagine, 1-800-Plumbers or 1-800-strippers.

National Day – Make a national awareness day for something. Like National Hispanic Month, National Secretary Day, or National Payroll Week. Celebrate that day, bring awareness to a cause, and sell souvenirs, gift cards, and promotional material. Don’t forget to trademark the idea, terms, and images behind it.

Namespace Land Rush – One great idea is to build into any service a limited namespace. For example, only one entity can own the domain name abc.com. Only one application can post an application on the Apple App Store for a given name. Only one user can have the Twitter @holla account. In addition to a namespace, develop the market place with the ability to buytradesell on this virtual limited resource.

On Televised Network News, Gardening, and the Wifey

Here are some favorite quotes on network news, keeping a garden, and a man’s better half.

Because television can make so much money doing its worst, it often cannot afford to do its best. – Fred Friendly

Journalism is more addictive than crack cocaine. Your life can get out of balance. – Dan Rather

The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were. – David Brinkley

Here are how some people feel about keeping a garden.

I do some of my best thinking while pulling weeds. – Martha Smith

Gardens and flowers have a way of bringing people together, drawing them from their homes. – Clare Ansberry

I want death to find me planting my cabbages. – Montaigne

Here are some special quotes about that special one.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. – Jim Backus

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: “Divorce, never. Murder, often.” – Charlton Heston

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife. – P.J. O’Rourke

Twitter Tweet Links September 2009

Here are some worthwhile articles regarding Twitter for September 2009.

Retweet September 2009

Here I am reblogging some retweets for the past month that broken down by subject matter. Some of these tweets also cover events that occurred in September 2009. If you like to follow along, befriend xwoop and lolprez and I’ll be sure to follow back.

Failbook

  • Why is Facebook down on a quite Friday night! Having network issues is like so last year.
  • Failbook is down. The one day I need to log into it to update my status it is down, my life is ruined, how could they do this to me???
  • I live close to Facebook, I can walk down and turn on the servers if they need me to.
  • If you play Farm Ville to much they will send you to the Funny Farm Ville.
  • Facebook is down and I can’t get to my Farm Ville, quick call FEMA!!!
  • At what level can I buy hemp/weed on Farm Ville.
  • Are you into Farm Ville? I am waiting until Gansta Ville.
  • I can’t wait until a tornado hits Farm Ville.
  • Facebook makes you use your real identity so it is easier for your exe to stalk you.
  • Facebook makes you realize you where once cool, what happened to you?
  • Facebook makes you realize you need new friends!
  • Facebook Makes You wanna punch someone in their Facebook.

Yo Kayne Swift

  • Yo Obama, imma gonna let you finish but Canada had the best health care of all time.
  • Yo Joe Wilson, i’mma gonna let you finish, but the Don’t Taze Me Bro guy is one the best hecklers of all time.
  • Yo H1N1, i’mma gonna let you finish, but the Black Plague is one the best pandemics of all time.
  • Yo Facebook, i’mma gonna let you finish, but the Twitter is one the best status jiggamajigy of all time.
  • Yo All Your Base Are Belong to Us, I’m really happy for you. I’m gonna let you finish, but Kanye West is now the best meme of all time.

Demo Democracy

  • It takes a village to raise a child and a state to keep him down.
  • Though on crime, weak on jobs.
  • Four Horsemen: Big Government, Corporatism, Ecosystem Collapse, Lead & Mercury Poisoning
  • Make love not war, drop beatz not bombs, fight the power not each other!
  • Happy 60th BDay People’s Republic of China, You don’t like a day past 3000 years of civilization! What kind of cake do you like?
  • It is a education seeing the continual failures in education, instead of lead no kids behind you should leave no school district behind.
  • ACORN: We Help You Bust a Nut
  • Hope is the new Obey.

Obama-o-rama

  • Do Da Obama Dance!
  • Prez Obama calls Kayne West a ‘jackass’, Kayne West calls Bill Clinton the best black president.
  • Kayne West is like Jesus, Barack Obama is like Pontius Pilate.
  • Uncle Obama called Kayne West a jackass, but bailout bankers he calls critical to our economic recovery.
  • Osama called Obama a douche, because Obama called Kayne a jackass, because Kayne called Beyonce the greatest.
  • Obama wants to fine/tax folks if they can’t afford/maintain health insurance, what is next, they will fine you if you drink to much coffee?
  • Obama might as well fine/tax fat people!

Capitalism

  • White people don’t riot, they bailout.
  • Who says crime doesn’t pay? Just see the stock growth for private correctional facility operators CXW.
  • Music has sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The finance industry has hookers, blow, and government bailouts.
  • Let bankers be bankers is like saying let children be children.
  • The economic recovery must be in full swing, the market has rallied to near 10k, hedge funds avg up +10%, Google/Flickr/etc are hiring.
  • I guess we are out of the recession if Adobe can afford $1.8 for a company that does not add to their core business.

Random Philosophy

  • We are destined for great things, first thing is to believe it, second thing is to act on it, third is to persevere on it, then patent it!
  • I want fries with that, therefore I am. We are all philosophers, but we don’t all work at McDs.
  • When you hit 42 years of age, the question to the meaning of life new meaning and everything else takes on a new meaning.
  • OH: I have a degree in Fashion Science.
  • The Internet is a zoo and there is one rule: Don’t Feed The Trolls!
  • Know better sooner!
  • Cost != Worth vs. Net Worth != Self Worth
  • Work: The real Never Ending Story!
  • When there is a kid in the house every room is a kid’s room.
  • T Diet – Tacos, Tortas, Tamales, Tostadas, etc.
  • I don’t have what I don’t have but what I gave I got myself.
  • Sometimes art imitates life, sometimes life imitates art, but other times art imitates art but that alone does not make it art.
  • True love loves you long time.
  • Nothing is the end of the world, not even the apocalypse.
  • What is common about common sense is the lack of it.
  • It is possible to be better.
  • In front of every slow poke driving grandma, there is a Prius driver holding up traffic.
  • If you think you are wise you are a dummy in disguise.

Quotes

  • Graffiti artists are like dogs: they mark their territory. – Muro
  • If there is any doubt, there is no doubt. – Jason Calacanis
  • You are your people. – Jason Calacanis
  • Starting is easy, finishing is hard. – Jason Calacanis
  • Failure is the precursor to success – Jason Calacanis
  • Great entrepreneur gets a dollar out of a nickel, a donkey entrepreneur get a nickel out of a dollar. – Jason Calacanis
  • We are not the center of everything that happens to us. – Alain De Botton
  • California is on the verge of becoming the first failed state in America. – Kenneth Starr
  • At the end of the day, finance is all about faith. Money does not exist unless you believe in it. – Gillian Tett
  • It’s important to realize that I was actually black before the election. – Prez Obama
  • The only training the TSA gets is how to yell at you. – Adam Curry

Newsroom

  • Your local news will not report it if it doesn’t come from a multinational conglomerate news wire or Bloomberg dashboard.
  • Network news run on the disinformation channel, the truth is that network news anchor don’t even know the news.
  • The media is not the puppet master, it is the puppet strings.