Get Some After Death

There is a great article over at The Seattle Times entitled Can you have a sex life in the afterlife? Once in high school I wrote that my personal hell would be to exist for an eternity without having my senses. For me, the word heaven signifies a world of pleasure, forget that spiritual peace crap.

Well if you are Muslim, it seems you don’t have to worry about getting some. Apparently Muslims are in eternity getting some with an everlasting virgin. Now I know why terrorists want to die a martyr.

The Quran describes a lush garden-like heaven in which each man can be married to a bevy of beautiful dark-eyed females called houri. The passage is open to interpretation, but scholars say these are not earthly girls who died but heavenly creatures and, it would appear, they can be deflowered and then automatically reflower.

As for Christians, death would not be so fortunate. Christians will die to a place where they are get none. So a Christian nerd will never know the joy of sex, in this life or the next.

Early Christians believed that after the end of the world they’d all get their bodies back in heaven, and this led inevitably to questions about sex and marriage. On pondering resurrection of the flesh, St. Augustine decided we’d keep our sex organs for aesthetic reasons, but we wouldn’t use them.

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